i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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