Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I would fuck him just for his dog
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
