My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
