It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
