its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
