I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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