So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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