Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
