sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
