i just wanna soil my oats bro
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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