he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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