she was so not down for the gang bang
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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