I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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