Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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