Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
