You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Randomize
