Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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