actually, I'm a sock model
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
