and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
