dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
