Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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