Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
