Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
