I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
