It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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