cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
high people should be assigned attendants
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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