I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just googled if crying burns calories
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
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