Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
