Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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