My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I didn't notice because vodka
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
