I met the friendliest cop last night
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
