you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
