it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
