Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
