I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
