i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
