but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
