Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
