you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
