I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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