Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
