i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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