Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
