What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
