Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
