batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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