You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize