I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
