i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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