Don't you send me to vm
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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