I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
