is your mom at the bar?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Randomize