this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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