when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
