What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I love you. Go after that dick
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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