Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
