i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
