Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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