I want to walk on stilts...naked
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
