the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
