I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
