You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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