Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The power of my boobs compel you
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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