I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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