I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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