I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
