just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
