also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
