Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
